Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
where are my eyebrows?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
