I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
