She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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