i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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