Whod you bang
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Boobs speak an international language.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
pray to the hookup gods
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
