I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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