I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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