I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
