She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
