did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
