Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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