More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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