You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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