What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
