Got a toothbrush?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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