i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
