Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
