She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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