im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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