Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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