apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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