i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
