Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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