I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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