So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
