Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
