I've blown a few things in my day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
