we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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