from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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