i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.