I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
false alarm. still invincible.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard