I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
