The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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