used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
