I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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