He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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