I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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