apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
