she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
