if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
