In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
