I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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