if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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