i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
