I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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