Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
