If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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