My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
