you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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