This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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