i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
