the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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