Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
