you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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