they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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