I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
