I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
