dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
