About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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