I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
