If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
