if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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