Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
