I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
