Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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