I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
