One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
