I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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