Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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