you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
