He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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